


The bloom off the rose

by WolfAndHound_Archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Post-Sirius in Azkaban, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-02-07
Packaged: 2018-05-18 21:16:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5943343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfAndHound_Archivist/pseuds/WolfAndHound_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yet another post-GoF arrival fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The bloom off the rose

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Lassenia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Wolf and Hound](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Wolf_and_Hound), which was created to make stories posted to the Sirius_Black_and_Remus_Lupin Yahoo! mailing list easier to find. However, even though I still love the fandom, I am no longer active in it and do not have the time to maintain it. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in December 2015. I posted an announcement with Open Doors, but we may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Wolf and Hound collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wolfandhound/profile).

Against the cold wet glass his nose snuffed, pale eyes peered through the window. Remus did not know he was outside, for his thoughts were otherwise occupied with the polished wood of his violin held in the crook of his neck. His elegant fingers held with such reverence the frog of the bow, and as he raised it, mournful strains of a song Sirius thought he recognized tiptoed through the air. It was the sweetest thing his to touch his ears since Remus spoke to him nearly a year ago, that night that changed everything between them again. Remus drew the bow across the strings fully; a low, deeply resonant pitch haunted the air. The tension poured off of him. Slowly, quietly, the pitch trembled with a few well placed motions of Remus's fingers, and Sirius shivered, the hackles on his back rising slightly, but not out of aggression. It was an introduction so intensely familiar but he couldn't place it. Somewhere, deep inside him, he knew what came next, and he was pulled like Remus's bow to each new note. The strokes became more resonant and Remus was so thoroughly absorbed in the music- it consumed him. The ictus his wrist made with each upstroke was so gloriously delicate, and Sirius wished desperately that those fingers would hold him again the way they now held the bow. Dramatically the intensity of the sound increased, and the bow moved always more quickly across the strings, the long fingers of Remus's left hand flying across the neck of the violin. It was wildly random and so structured all at once, Remus's body swayed in time with it, Sirius felt the music tear at his heart. The crescendo built to a fevered pitch and his fingers slowed. Slowly he came back down, each harmonic change emphasized sweetly with slight vibrato, the rich sounds clung to the air and made it thick. Then they were back once more at the original pitch, the sound was as full and strong as it ever had been, and then it dwindled as the bow dragged slowly across the strings. Remus was so wholly engrossed. Imagining the worshipful look that surely was written across his lovely features, Sirius strained, even with canine senses, to hear the end of the sound. He could still see movement over the strings, and feel vague vibrations through the air, but he was unsure at which point the sound actually stopped. Captivated, he waited to hear more, but after a few eternal seconds Remus finally lowered the bow. Sirius sat motionless for several moments, unwilling to break the intensity and sanctity of such a moment, and watched Remus rise from his chair to return the beloved instrument to its case.

Remus turned slightly toward the window to perform this task, and Sirius's breath caught at the look on his face. It was raw, so completely broken open, and he thought that perhaps he might see tear streaks across the pale cheeks. He recoiled slightly, the intensity of those features almost too much to take.

Sirius was pulled back to himself with the realization that his fur was completely sodden. He hadn't realized that Remus had played for so long... he hadn't really even noticed that the rain had become heavy enough to soak him rather than just rest like mist on his fur. He trotted to the front door and scratched lightly at it, and a few moments later Remus opened it. His features were still so raw, but his face broke in to a soft grin at the sight of the shaggy black dog.

"Hello, Sirius," he said softly, his voice low and deep like the last note he played. Though the music had sounded lovely, it was instantly replaced by Remus's voice as the sweetest sound he'd heard in a long while. "Do come in."

Sirius crossed the threshold slowly, tentatively, and as Remus shut the door he transformed and stood with unfamiliar grace. He turned to face his friend, whose features were so as he remembered them.

Half a second later he felt Remus's arms enfold him and the exhaustion he'd pushed away finally caught up with him. His knees were suddenly very weak.

"Remus, you'll get all wet-"

Remus shushed him softly and held him for just a moment longer. Pulling away slightly, his eyes holding a myriad of emotions, he said, "I've missed you so much, Sirius."

"And I you, my friend. And I you." Sirius's exhausted body had begun to shiver from cold and fatigue, and Remus noticed this immediately.

"Come, sit. Let me get you some tea, and something to eat, and," his eyes scanned the ragged, thin robe Sirius wore. "Some warmer clothes." He murmured a drying charm over them both and led Sirius to sit at the kitchen table. He put the teakettle on and rummaged through his cupboards for a few moments. "I have several potatoes, and I think I have some meat left, how does stew sound?" "Wonderful," Sirius replied.

"Right then." Remus waved his wand a few times and the stew began preparing itself. The tea was ready a moment later, and he poured two cups and placed them on the table. "Let me get you something warmer to wear. I'll be right back." He disappeared out of the kitchen.

_Remus... love..._ he thought, and nervously sipped his tea. Remus returned quickly with flannel trousers and a thermal shirt, which he sat on an empty chair before assessing the condition of the stew. He glanced surreptitiously at Sirius's thin frame, and with a wave of his wand added more potatoes to the concoction. Soon a steaming bowl was placed before Sirius, and Remus sat down across the table.

"Well, go on," he said. "Eat."

Sirius stared at the stew for a moment longer, then his hunger slapped sense in to him and he ate voraciously. It was hot on his tongue, and hotter down his throat, but it felt so good warming his empty belly. He was vaguely aware of eating bread that Remus passed him. It tasted so good, real, legitimate meat (though he'd rather enjoyed the crunch of fresh rat), and he couldn't get enough. He scraped the sides of the bowl again and again with his spoon-

"Sirius!"

He hadn't noticed Remus's hand on the bowl. How long had he been trying to get his attention?

"Let me get you some more, Sirius..."

"Er... thank you," he said. He sipped some more tea.

The steaming bowl before him certainly made him feel better. His stomach, slightly more sated and definitely less urgent, was now content to allow his senses to enjoy the meal, something he hadn't done since... well, he couldn't recall the last occasion. But it, like so many other simple pleasures, was long overdue.

Remus regarded his haggard friend with weary eyes and a heavy heart.

"Remus... there are things you have to be told," Sirius said suddenly. "The Triwizard Tournament was a trap..."

"I know, I've heard. Dumbledore owled me with a few details, and I've also had a letter from Arabella Figg. I think that we can wait a while before you have to elaborate." He smiled wryly. "At least until you finish eating." --

The night passed uneventfully, an exhausted Sirius too tired to argue with Remus's dictation of the sleeping arrangements. He'd practically fallen asleep the moment Remus had shown him to the bedroom, and Remus had slept on the couch.

The following morning dawned with chill and fog, and Remus sat up on the couch. He swung his legs over and very narrowly missed the shaggy black creature that lay curled up on the hard floor beside him. He sighed, slightly exasperated. Sirius couldn't possibly be comfortable on the floor like that, and he was here to rest and to lie low- Remus preferred his lying low to be on the bed, not the floor. He scratched Padfoot's ears and shuffled to the kitchen to put the kettle on.

Several minutes later, stiff and sore, Sirius entered the kitchen. "G'mornin," he mumbled.

"Morning," Remus answered. "What happened last night? Why did you end up on the floor?"

His eyes were slightly hollow and dim. "I... couldn't sleep," he managed.

"Oh."

"Nightmares."

"I didn't hear anything," Remus said quietly.

"You learn to keep quiet, even in your sleep, in... there.

Don't draw too much attention. They like nightmares..." He trailed off. Remus did not know what to say to this.

"Lately I can wake myself up more quickly."

Remus, a pained look on his face, searched his teacup for a few moments. He assumed that that statement meant that the dreams used to hold Sirius so fiercely captive that he couldn't escape from them in Azkaban. Christ, the last thing that Sirius needed was to be tortured in sleep and unable to do anything about it. He wondered if sleep had ended up more torturous than wakefulness-then he decided he wasn't ready to know yet.

Sirius sat across from him at the table, and Remus passed him tea. He didn't touch it, he kept his hands knotted in his lap and stared at the tabletop.

"Sirius?" A pause. "Sirius?" Remus rose from his chair and moved to kneel beside Sirius. He laid a hand on his shoulder, and Sirius jumped violently, his frightened eyes taking a moment to register reality. "It's all right, Sirius." Remus put his other hand at the side of Sirius's face and turned his head to look him square in the eye. "It's all right. It's over." His hand dropped from his face and he laid it over the knitted fingers in Sirius's lap.

A solemn look in his eyes. Sirius's face was drawn with tension. His right hand moved convulsively to grasp Remus's hand with a fierce grip. The strength in those fingers betrayed the frail look of his form, but it did not compare to the power the fingers once possessed. Remus could feel the faintest tremors of his hand.

Remus stood then, and pulled Sirius up with him. He pulled the thin body of his dearest friend against him and slowly Sirius's arms wrapped around him. He was shaking.

"Shh, it's all right. You're all right, just relax. I'm not going anywhere, and neither are you, you'll be all right. I've got you."

A ragged breath was drawn, and another shiver ran through Sirius, and he pushed his face in to Remus's shoulder; Remus could feel dampness. He laid a hand over the dark head and continued to whisper softly to him.

After a few painful minutes Sirius withdrew slightly. His eyes were red, but they refused to meet Remus's. "M'sorry," he mumbled, and started to pull away. Remus didn't let him.

"There's nothing to be sorry for. Sirius? Do you hear me?"

Again he caught his chin, forcing Sirius to meet his eyes. "Nothing."

"Remus," his body had almost stopped shaking, but his voice had not. It nearly broke on the syllables. "How can you say that?"

He didn't know if Sirius had originally meant his apology to cover what he now asked it to. He hadn't imagined that Sirius's feelings of guilt ran so deep, though he should have suspected. This was going to take longer than expected. 

"How can I say that?" He said quietly. "Because it's true. We all made mistakes. All of us, Sirius. And they were big mistakes, but sometimes you just have to let it go. And in some cases those who erred have paid too dearly." 

He brushed a stray lock of dull black hair from Sirius's face. "I was angry with you for a long time, Sirius. But now that I know the truth, I'm angry with myself for not seeing it"

Sirius objected harshly to this. "It's not your"

"No, let me finish. There is no way that I could ever let myself continue to hate you, even if I thought you deserved it. Which I don't. There were so many things that we all should have seen, and there's nothing we can do about it now. All we can do is our best to make sure that it never happens again. I'm the one who should be sorry. I doubted you, and I regret that."

"I know, I know you do. Don't you dare blame yourself for this, Remus; it's not your fault."

"Then let's both take your words to heart."

Sirius tried to let that sit. He clenched his jaw, and blinked hard, and when he spoke it was barely audible. "I don't know if I can do that."

"Just let it go." Remus leaned closer. "Please. I forgive you. Now you need to forgive yourself."

Another trembling sigh, and Sirius was pulling Remus closer to him. Their faces were centimeters apart. Their lips met softly, tentatively, and soon there was no space at all between their chests. The sensation was so familiar to them and they sighed against each other, relieved to be able to relish this closeness again after so many years. After a few eternal seconds they pulled apart, shocked that they had let this happen, and relieved that it had.

"I..." Sirius was hesitant. "I'm still in love with you, Remus," he said.

Remus searched his eyes, piercing gaze never wavering. 

"Yes," he said. "I love you too. So much." Again they kissed, their lips touching so softly and sweetly, the taste of tea lingering above other long forgotten-no, never forgotten, always there, but long missing-tastes.

"I've missed you." Remus spoke around Sirius's lips.

"Missed you too. Don't think I can live with missing you any longer."

"I love you."

"Don't ever leave me."

"I won't. I promise."

Warm hands explored bodies through clothing while lips continued to worship.

"Will you lie with me again?" Sirius's hoarse voice was apprehensive.

Remus broke the kiss softly and stared intently at Sirius. 

"Yes," he said, and leaned in for one more kiss. "Come on." And hand in hand they walked to the bedroom.

\--

"Are you sure about this?" Remus's voice dipped dangerously low, the overtones flowed richly through the air around them. Sirius's long fingers finished with the buttons of his shirt, and he slid them inside and over the smooth flesh. Sharp blue eyes locked eternally on grey. He paused, searched for something. Softly his voice answered for him, putting to words the look in his eyes. "Never more sure of anything in my life." The warm hands splayed across his chest.

"All right, then," Remus said, his voice barely a whisper now. His hands smoothed Sirius's hair, one cupped his cheek. They leaned closer to each other and their foreheads touched but their lips did not. They nuzzled at one another and Sirius's eyelashes brushed Remus's cheek. They enfolded each other in their arms, and slowly their bodies pressed together. Where their bodies were flush, intense heat grew, and their lips met.

This kiss was like an awakening. So many years without, yet their bodies were intensely familiar with the sensations, though they would never quite grow accustomed to this. It was soft, but they opened their mouths for it, and then they couldn't get enough of each other. Tongues met and entangled, sliding wetly across each other, and they delved deeper, could never go too deep. Their teeth clacked together with the attempts. They broke apart only for fleeting seconds, drawing in great gulps of air, and resumed full-force.

Feverish hands removed shirts from the shoulders of both men, and when the bare flesh of their chests rubbed together they both gasped. Warm hands explored every facet of exposed skin and soon, like their tongues, delved deeper. Sirius's hands were flat against the small of Remus's back, sliding lower beneath the waistband of his trousers. Remus rubbed his hands over the bony curves of Sirius's hips, and as they snuck lower inside his trousers he brushed wiry curls. They shuddered and sighed almost simultaneously.

After a moment their mouths sealed completely over one another, and for an awkward moment they struggled to breathe each others' breath, like they had done on occasion so many years ago. It was graceless, and uncomfortable, but soon they succeeded, each drawing everything from the other until they were dizzy from the effort. Knowing hands, newly reawakened, continued to stroke. They pulled apart slowly, neither daring to withdraw past the point which they could feel the others' breath on their lips. Remus tucked his head in to the crook of Sirius's neck and Sirius mirrored the action, softly sucking on the smooth flesh beneath his kiss- swollen lips.

Remus laid a line of kisses down the pale column of his throat, pausing to run his tongue along the collarbones, and Sirius's hands tangled instantly in his hair, holding him close. His mouth opened slightly, allowing pleased sounds to escape from his throat. Soon Remus had kissed his way down his chest to his belly, and he nuzzled softly at the dark hairs that gathered just above his trousers. A shudder coursed through Sirius, and his hands continued to twine through Remus's hair, fisting and opening convulsively with each warm breath that fanned across the lower parts of his abdomen. Remus kissed softly there, and then rose to kiss Sirius's lips once more, heated.

Sirius disentangled his fingers and his hands rubbed trails of fire down Remus's frame. They reached the fly of his trousers and paused.

Remus nodded. "Please," he said. And Sirius obliged.

He unbuttoned with shaking fingers the fly, and the zip was slightly more cooperative. He pushed the trousers off of Remus's hips and they puddled at the floor around his bare feet. The growing erection beneath Remus's pants was evident, and was a perfect match to Sirius's own.

Remus removed Sirius's own trousers, and then they each removed their underpants and stood nude before each other, taking each other in.

"Oh, god" they said, nearly in unison.

"You're so thin," Remus said sadly.

"These are new," Sirius said softly, and he traced with long fingers several ragged scars that crossed Remus's abdomen. Remus traced his ribs.

They threw themselves at each other then and kissed long and slow and deep. Their flesh rubbed intoxicatingly.

Sirius pushed Remus on to the bed and lay on top of him, rubbing his swollen cock against Remus's, eliciting from him a sharp cry.

"Please, please..." Remus said. They kissed and stroked reverently.

"Remus... I want you inside me... please, love..."

Remus kissed him again for long moments and ran his hand over his erection. He was beginning to remember this again, and how he may have disremembered it he did not know. But he rolled them both over and lay in the cradle of Sirius's hips, rubbing himself against his heavy balls until Sirius was writhing and moaning against him.

"Oh, god, yes, keep doing that... don't ever stop..."

Remus reached down between Sirius's legs to his opening and stretched it gently with tender fingers. He soothed with kisses to his mouth.

"Do it Remus, please..."

"Ready?" His breath was heavy and he swore he could feel Sirius's heart pounding.

"God yes."

And for the first time in nearly fourteen years he pushed his erection slowly in to his lover-who would ever have thought he would be able to call him his lover again? Something inside of him, maybe the wolf, maybe not, cried to be let go, to pound in to this beautiful creature, but he held himself back. He stared in to Sirius's deep blue eyes until he was fully sheathed, then he screwed his eyes shut to fight for control.

Sirius reached for him then, and pulled him closer, and he twitched at the sensations. He felt sharply Remus beginning to thrust in him, and he cried out in pleasure. They were shallow at first and then deep, so deep, all the way in then to withdraw nearly completely. He wrapped his legs around his waist to pull him in deeper. 

"Oh god," he nearly sobbed. "Please, Remus, more, harder..." He obliged, thrusting firmly now, one hand stroking Sirius's straining cock. Sirius's breath was ragged in his ears, the words that spilled from his throat were becoming more urgent, and he _needed_ to push deeper in to Sirius. Wanted to fuck him so hard that Sirius could feel him in the back of his throat, and he thought Sirius wanted that too. But somewhere else inside him he knew it had been too long, and he didn't want to hurt him, so he checked himself.

Sirius clutched at Remus's shoulders, fighting hard to hold himself back. He could hardly recall what it felt like the last time, and intense heat continued to burn deep in his belly, stoked by Remus himself. He gasped like someone long without breath, repeatedly, laced with moans. The tension spiraled to a fierce pinnacle and he nearly couldn't take it any longer; his entire body trembled. Wet, swollen lips at his ear, forming words. Through thick haze he recognized speech, a low, crooning murmur, Remus's throaty baritone. The sound soothed and aroused all at once, the tone so calm and quiet.

"Come for me, love," he was saying. His teeth grazed the shell of his ear. "Just let it go, Siri," and he could hear the urgency beginning to manifest itself in the lower tones; how it slid through his ears and trickled down his spine like comfortable fire. Remus went rigid against him, his strong hands kneaded the small of his back; his lightly stubbled cheek slid across Sirius's own, a ragged sigh escaping the lips as the lower lip dragged across his jaw.

His hands feverishly rushed over Remus's back and he fought for control, fought to stay right with Remus. He clenched his teeth and a groan tore from his throat. Remus caught it, sealing their lips together. He kissed him hard, a searing, passionate kiss, tender and urgent, and he moaned in to his mouth, and then he couldn't hold back any longer. He came so hard he couldn't see, only whiteness, couldn't see anything, couldn't see Remus. He must have cried out for him somewhere, because he felt Remus hold him tighter, and words spilled from his throat as semen spilled between them and inside him, reassurances. He couldn't see him but he was right there, he was always right there for him and he told him so, and Remus's lips were at his throat, speaking around the flesh.

"I'm here, right here, I love you so much, need you. So much. So beautiful, Sirius, so fucking gorgeous..." he trailed off and collapsed against him, spent, and slowly Sirius's vision returned. His eyes focused on his lover's, liquid grey in the feeble light. He brought their faces closer together and they kissed, gently, softly. However this all turns out, he thought, it will be the better, because he is here with me. Forever.


End file.
